Do. Be. Have.

The Most Important Conversations | Being, Doing, And Having

When talking with other people, we often focus on what they are doing, particularly on what they do for a living. Chad Lefevre and September Dohrmann are here to shift the conversation by talking about the concept of being, doing, and having. In this episode, they advocate for creating more meaningful connections by focusing on who you are authentically, how you are making your choices and decisions, and taking responsibility for what you are getting in life. Chad and September also discuss the power of complaints, the true meaning of freedom, and the right way to escape victimhood mentality. 

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Do. Be. Have

Welcome to another episode. September, how are you doing?

I’m doing great, Chad. How about you?

Are you? I think you have a little bit of a headache.

I do have a little bit of a headache.

We all get headaches. Some people get them more often than not. I’m sorry to hear that. Let’s move our way through the headache into a phenomenal conversation. You’ve got something special for us. What are we talking about?

I want to talk about the process of being, doing, and having. Be, do, and have.

It sounds like a bad ‘50s do op song.

Now that you say it, I won’t be able to get it out of my head. We always talk about how we’re human beings, not human doings. We hear that as a cliche term that gets thrown around. We met somebody and we’re like, “How are you doing? What is it that you do?” The conversation is always around the do part when you meet somebody. It would be such a more interesting conversation if the conversation was about, “Tell me how you be in life.”

It’s an interesting way. I’m a big fan of soul music and funk music from the ‘70s I have been my whole life. A lot of people would be saying, “Who you be? How you be? I couldn’t be more accurate. I remember when the whole thing about being a human doing versus a human being wasn’t cliche and wasn’t that new. I remember talking about that to people several years ago. They still remember that when I said that to them. They’re like, “You’re the guy who talks about don’t be a human doing.” Everything gets leaked into the world and everyone starts to talk about it.

Why does it matter? It is because if we want to access our power and not be a victim in life, and we’ve talked about this before in our different whole life architecture workshops for those who are participants, and we’ve drilled into it, which is that true power comes from being connected to your truth and who you are. With true power, it means you’re not a victim of life. Life doesn’t happen to you but you are the cause. You’re taking responsibility for being the cause of the effects that you experience in your life.

The Most Important Conversations | Being, Doing, And Having

Most people say they want freedom. Freedom is such a big value that a lot of people love to riff on and throw out. Most people don’t want freedom. They want a license. Meaning they want to be able to do whatever they want without the responsibility and the accountability that comes with their actions. That’s not freedom. If you want true freedom, you need to be able to accept responsibility for your actions.

If you want true freedom, you must accept responsibility for your actions. 

Everything that we have going on in our lives is the result of choices that we’ve made by default or by design. For most people, it’s by default. What you have in your life, who you have in your life, where you live, and what you do for work, all these were choices that you made at some point. Even to a large degree, our health and the state of our health is a choice.

Some people could say, “I didn’t choose to get cancer.” No. Nobody sat there and said, “I’m going to choose cancer.” It wasn’t conscious but we live in a world where there are chemicals. It’s toxic. Our food system is the way that it is. You can say, “I didn’t choose to eat that food.” You did because you could have put a garden in your yard and grown your food. Someone will say, “That’s not realistic.” I didn’t say it was realistic but you still chose to do it. You choose to live where you choose to live. You might say, “I don’t choose that.” It’s still a choice. You can move.

When you start looking at stuff, you realize that people are avoiding the discomfort or the effort that is required to create the life that they want to live and truly be a cause of the effects that they have. To have freedom and power, coming back to your question of be, do, have, requires that we connect the dots between who we’re being and what we have. To understand who we’re being, we have to understand who we are. You can’t understand your beingness until you understand who is behind the being in the first place. The do part is in the middle.

You can’t understand your beingness until you know who is behind the being in the first place.

The complaint part comes into that. Being mindful of the complaints and making the choice. I bought this house that I remodeled and I liked it. It was over 100 years old. I enjoyed the process of remodeling that. At the time, I felt that the neighborhood was what I was looking for. It’s quiet. I don’t know anybody here. That’s what I was looking for.

As I continue to evolve in this work, I’m noticing that it does not support who I’m being. I do need to move. There is a process that comes with that. When I think about the process of having to pack and move again, it’s daunting. I don’t want to do that process but I want my environment to support who I’m becoming and who I’m being at this stage of my life, more than the discomfort of having to do the whole moving process all over again.

It served me then. It’s no longer serving me now. I certainly thought that it would serve me a lot longer than I have but it’s been a few years. I’ve also grown and evolved a lot. I’ve made the conscious choice to simply own my power and surround myself with people who see glimpses of my power and help to bring it to my awareness and own that part of me.

When you’re not around the right people, they’re not going to notice those things. They’re going to complain and tell you all that’s wrong and how messed up this is or that is within you. Surround yourself with the right people who see your greatness because we get glimpses of it with people. We may not see it ourselves but the people around us can see it. It’s easier to identify something in somebody else than it is to identify it in ourselves first.

The Most Important Conversations | Being, Doing, And Having

I’m finding that the more I’m aware of choosing my environment and relationships, the more comfortable I am in my full being. There isn’t this mask of that, or I’m not hiding behind this, or this is who I am. I’ve always felt that way that what you see is what you get. I know that I’m a moving target. I’m evolving because I choose to. I want to evolve. I don’t want to be the same person that I was at 40. I don’t want to be that same person at 45. I want to evolve and continue to grow my relationships around me. I need to have that trait as well because I understand that part of me so much.

There isn’t a whole lot of doing in that experience. What I’m trying to convey is that it isn’t a lot of doing. There’s simply being and accepting the beingness of who you are. We were on a team call as we were refining our processes within TMIC, what we were creating, and who was in the right seat for this particular project. You made the comment as I stepped in and took project management. That’s something that comes very naturally to me. In terms of organizing like that, I don’t have to force the effort. It becomes natural.

Having your feedback of saying, “September, this is who you are. This is when you show up that way. It’s part of your personality.” I instantly felt a relaxation of, “That’s naturally how I think. There’s value in that for the people around me.” There was this ease of relaxing into who and what I do naturally as part of my being. It’s not forced.

You think about that. You can see somebody who is in their natural God-given talent, not forced. It comes to them effortlessly. You have to work on it. You want to sharpen the knife but the knife is already created inside of you. It’s nothing that you have to go and artificially implant into who you are. It’s your natural way of thinking, doing, stepping into that, and owning it.

That is a big long picture of explaining this whole awareness of refining my state of being and becoming more aware of, “Let me be this and not have to force it. Let me step into this.” Being aware of the relationships around me, I fill in a gap within the team. What I bring to the table is filling in a gap and being mindful of the people that you’re choosing to allow in your life.

There are a lot of things that we can comment on in there. I want to ground something first. I spoke to a guy who we’re going to have on our show here. He’s a two-time cancer survivor. He’s climbed Mount Everest 2 or 3 times. He got cancer when he was a teenager. I want to be clear to people because some people are going to be, and I can already be reactive to them, “I didn’t choose that.” He might even say that he didn’t choose it. I’m not saying you choose it. I’m saying we choose it often indirectly in our life. The choices we’ve made contribute to the effect that we eventually have.

The choices we make in life contribute to the effect we eventually have.

In his case or in the case of people who get some disease or cancer when they’re young, they didn’t necessarily choose it but their parents and our government choose the conditions in which we are living. When we’re adults, we get to vote for certain things and people. There’s this long line of choices that lead to the effects that become our lives.

There’s a reason why incidences of cancer, heart disease, and diabetes are increasing. It’s not just happening to us. It’s environmental, dietary, and lifestyle choices. It’s all of these things. We still need to take responsibility. For myself, I had moderate heart disease. I was diagnosed with it. It’s not critical and urgent but if I don’t do something about it, it will become that.

I have to take responsibility for the choices I made in my younger years. It’s not that I ate an awful diet but for me, it was not the appropriate diet. My body is having a reaction to it and it’s caused a disease that I need to reverse. The only way to reverse it is to take responsibility for, yes, I could have done things better, eat differently, and, most importantly, for what I’m doing going forward.

I wanted to clarify that because it’s a nuanced thing. This isn’t about blame or shame. I want people to understand when you take responsibility for who you’re being, it’s not about blaming yourself, shaming yourself, or any of that because there’s no power in that either. That’s negative energy that’s going to pull you down. It’s about taking your power back and saying, “Maybe I have heart disease or cancer. I’m living in a house that I don’t want to live in. I’m in a job that I don’t want to be in anymore.”

This is where you were leading a few minutes ago about the power of complaint. What are we complaining about? What do our complaints do? They provide us insight into what’s under the surface that is not aligned with our authentic being. You wouldn’t be complaining about something if it was aligned with who you authentically are and who you’re committed to being in the world. Our complaints are an insight for us. We can use the power of complaint. We all complain. Sometimes, it almost feels like it happens to us. It’s out of our mouths before we’ve even had a chance to realize that because it’s an emotional reaction. We’re not emotionally sober.

We’ve talked about emotional sobriety. It is the ability to feel your emotions, not run from them, not suppress them, not avoid them but also not react to them. It’s not about feeling, reacting, and lashing out at the world or someone else and blaming them. There’s no power in that. When you’re complaining, you’re not empowered. When you’re blaming other people, you’re not empowered. You’re a victim.

We’ve all made choices. In some cases, even decisions, which is where we narrow and reduce the possibilities down to binaries, which our brain loves to do. It makes it easy. There are only two things to choose from but that’s not true about the world. There are unlimited things we can choose from but when we’re trapped in fear, we tend to operate from a binary.

We’ve all made choices or decisions that have led to this moment, or our parents have, or the government has but we’re still not disconnected. We’re not a victim to any of this. That’s why you can have people who have diabetes, cancer, or heart disease, which are extreme scenarios. Some people take responsibility. This is where their body is at and this is what’s going on. They adjust their lifestyle. Sometimes, it works. Sometimes, it doesn’t. We don’t control entirely the disease process. We control who we’re being about it.

Some people thrive like this one gentleman who will be interviewed, who beat cancer twice, and who has gone on to say, “I have nothing to complain about.” He talks about how cancer was one of the most enlightening and profound transformative experiences of his life, which has led him to become a powerful keynote speaker for Google and all these other companies. He climbs mountains. He’s like, “You don’t have the right to B**** if you’re truly going to step into your power.”

That’s what this is about. Be, do, have. Focus on who you’re being. You need to know who you are first. If you know who you are, you can start to affect who you’re being and make changes to who you’re being. Those changes will lead to you doing different things than you’re doing now because you’re getting honest. You’re connecting to the truth of who you are. You’re saying, “This doesn’t work for me. Who I am as a human being is this. My job, relationships, and where I live don’t work for the real me.” Not the you who’s trying to bend to the world to gain validation, gain acceptance, and win at that game but the authentic you.

I look around the world in our various societies, countries, and cultures. I see a whole lot of victims going on. There’s a whole lot of people whining and complaining. They were like, “It’s because of them. If they only did this.” There’s no responsibility. Therefore, there’s no freedom. Everyone is bound and is a victim of these stories of how they can’t. When Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world,” he didn’t say, “Do the change you want to see in the world.’ He said, “Be it.” That requires you to get connected to yourself.

When we talk to business owners, small business owners, or even executives, they’re missing the connection between it’s be, do, and have. The company you have, the nature of its success, what you’re selling, customers, and where you sell are 100% connected to who you’re being but no one wants to look at that because we live in a have, do, be society. When I have the money, car, relationship, success, and house of my dreams, I’ll do things and be happy.

Look at what we’ve done in that case. We’ve made ourselves a victim. When you operate from have, do, be, you’ve said, “I’m going to be a victim.” Why? It’s because you’re making your happiness, beingness, joy, peace, contentment, and alignment. It’s all connected to what you have. To get those things, which are variables that are outside of your control, we don’t control everything in the world. We control who we’re being and what we’re putting out there but I’m not controlling all these other things. We make our being tied to what we have and that’s insanity.

We’re victims because you’ll never control everything in the world. You’ll never control all those variables. You’re constantly in this rat race of trying to have. You can do certain things and be happy. Flip it, connect to who you authentically are, understand the truth of who you are, and be that in the world, that being will do certain things. By doing certain things, you will have what you have. You will be happy, at peace, and content with what you have because it’s connected to your authentic expression of who you’re being. That is a powerful way of living.

It ties very well into this conversation of the law of attraction. It’s been commercialized. It’s been made to be one way when it’s something else. You cannot sit on your sofa and imagine that you’re going to have a wonderful, filled bank account and not take any action or even guided action. There is something I want to back up. There are a few things that you said. The man that we’re going to be interviewing is not only did he survive cancer twice and climb Mount Everest but he did it with one lung.

When you hear somebody say, “You have nothing to complain about. It’s how you’re choosing to deal with that,” I automatically think of going into the grocery store and seeing a person who has severe diabetes. You can tell by their legs what it looks like. They are massively overweight. They’re in the little cart, the motorized buggy. They have a Coca-Cola in hand and several other Coke products in their buggy getting ready to check out. The storyline is, “Look at what this disease has done to me. I’m a victim of this disease.”

Diabetes can be reversed. Do you believe that or not? Do your own research. A lot of our diseases can be reversed with food. Food is medicine. There’s a whole other story along with why our food and drugs are in the state of administration. It’s because food is medicine. If the food can be controlled, our health can be controlled, and the pharmaceuticals win. It’s taking ownership and not laying down and being a victim.

The first step that somebody can do if they’re realizing, “I am sitting in a victimhood mentality,” is to take your power back by educating yourself. Read a book, talk to a doctor, network, and talk to other people. This narrow mind of, “I have a death sentence because I have diabetes or cancer.” Maybe. How are you showing up in that experience? Are you lying down and taking it? Are you using it to say, “What does this have for me? How can I grow from this? What can I learn from this experience? How can this experience improve my life?”

“September, what do you mean? That’s insane.” You think of somebody who had had sexual abuse in childhood or most of their childhood. I’ve talked about Soft White Underbelly, which is a channel on YouTube that I often watch. You see the contrast of somebody who had sexual abuse and is the CEO of a company. They’re doing exceptionally well in life. They’re strong in their ownership of who they are. They are authentic. They used that experience to shape them, for them to understand more about who they are.

They use that experience to learn what to appreciate about yourself. “I appreciate that I did what it took to survive that experience in my life. I appreciate that, at a young age, I was creative enough to figure out how to get out of that situation.” You start peeling back the layers of that experience and you can begin to find appreciation within yourself, which connects to your ability to know who you are. You have these experiences. How you dealt with that and who you were in that experience are huge indicators to show you who you are.

I remember a period in my life in my early twenties. I was a mom at eighteen. I got married at eighteen. I didn’t go through that normal journey of coming out of your teens into your adulthood. I was immediately thrown into motherhood and being a wife. I’m doing that at the age of eighteen. There was a period where I kept saying, “How do I know who I am? Who am I? How do I know what that is? Is it the cereal I like? Is it this?” I had all these questions, trying to figure out who I was. It wasn’t until I decided to go through the healing process of childhood trauma.

In that process, I began to know who I am. I know who I am because my experience shows me but I had to look underneath the surface. That’s one contrast. The other contrast is somebody who has had childhood trauma, let’s say, at the age of nine. They had experienced some horrible trauma and they chose to live in that trauma. They chose to be the victims of that trauma. They chose to replay it over and over.

Every decision that they were making was based on, “I don’t want to have that experience again. I don’t want to have that pain again.” They’re in their 40s and they’re on skid row. They’re drugged out. They’re trying to numb it. This happens on that channel that I speak about but anytime they’re in that conversation, they’re speaking of it as if it is still happening to them several years later. It becomes part of their identity.

We talked about that in terms of the ego of holding onto this identity, “I am a victim of this trauma. I have been violated, traumatized, and hurt. People have abused me.” They hold onto that as an identity. I also see that in people with disease. They were like, “I have diabetes. Therefore, I can’t. I have diabetes. Therefore, XYZ happens.” There’s the show, My 600-lb Life. I see that pattern in there. They’re so connected to this identity because it makes them unique and feel special. It makes them feel as if I am special because I have this thing.

We’re missing the whole point of having those experiences. We all have experiences. Every single one of us has some trauma. My trauma may not look like your trauma and your trauma is not going to look like my trauma. If we let go of this identity or this idea of who and what that experience makes us, we begin to look at who we are I being in this experience as huge indicators to help us begin to see past all the garbage and look at truly, who am I? Am I a survivor? Am I a fighter? What am I? How do I show up in life? Who am I being in this experience? If we could have some magic wand, you and I can solve all the problems of the world.

If you let go of the idea that your experiences shape your identity, it will help you get past the garbage and begin to look at who you truly are.

There’s no magic wand for that. As we wrap up this talk, I want to encourage everyone to take what you were saying there as an experience. We’ll continue to have more dialogue about this, the be, do, have. It’s a deep concept and it takes a while to wrap your head around it. Who we’re being leads to what we’re doing.

If we have an identity that we’re a victim or our identity is, “Poor me, I’ve got this disease, circumstance, job, or relationship,” we don’t have anything that we don’t choose to continue keeping in our life and continuing to feed into who you’re being in the moment. We need to take responsibility for who we’re being and that being will do certain things. That gives you the “haves”, and effects of your life.

We’ll pause there. We’ll continue with this because this is a deep conversation that’s going to take a little bit of time. I encourage everyone as we break. Consider who you’re being in the world. Try to tap into the essence of truthfully who you’re being and who you are deep within what your truth is. Try to start looking at your life and seeing how aligned or misaligned it is with the truth of who you are. We’ll get more into that in our next episode. September, it’s always great chatting with you. Thank you, everyone, for reading. We look forward to seeing you next time.

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